I remember the case of a woman who married a widower. He was a worthy man and she was glad they were together. There was only one thing that bothered her and for this reason she came to ask my advice.
`What happened in the moment we went out of the church after the wedding it was like his former wife came back to life and became a part of our relationship. Now I know how she cooked, how she looked, how she spoke, everything! I understand it must have been hard for him`, added the woman. But I don’t think that our relationship may work if we don’t take her out.`
Unfortunately they did not succeed. I regret to tell you that the poor man was never able to understand that you cannot conquer a woman comparing her and permanently relating her to the merits of another one.
This is true not only in this case. Former girlfriends, neighbors, the wives of some other men, a pretty secretary, movie stars or top models from the cover of the magazines no matter if they are lonely, widows or divorced, this is true for all. And for your mother as well.
One of the most common mistakes on this theme refers at the cases when the men are not able to consider their wives as their main priority, instead of their mothers.
I know you have a great admiration for your mother and this is very good. She cooks excellently, she keeps a large household, she is funny and in my opinion is an unique woman. But she is for me, because I am her husband, not for you. You have now a new priority, your own family and you should assure yourself that your wife knows she has the first place in your heart.
If I insist a lot upon this idea is because I have seen many men who have never been told or who have never understood that a woman cannot be remodeled in accordance with the qualities of another one.
Charlie W. Shedd, Letters to Philip.Counsels for a young married man, Editura Bizantină, 2011, p. 88.
