How many men do not say this in difficult moments. But most of the people don`t know that this is a sin and means a lack of patience and hope in the help of God. But the following story will show this clearly. A pious monk who has many spiritual sons in Athens and in his diocese related it to us very humbly and sensibly
`Since I became priest I was followed by slander (which is a modern martyrdom) In a way or another many embittered me and saddened me exceedingly with false slanders. This happened all the time. So much they upset me and tired me all these that I gave up and I said many times: `My Lord take me away. And in the end He took me.
All those who listened to him remained surprised looking at him and thinking how guilty are those who slander especially the holy ones, how much sin they gather in their souls especially when they push into despair the souls of those they slander as if God empowered them to judge the world. And the humble priest continued his story saying:
`I had a heart attack. I was in Athens in the middle of my spiritual acquaintances and sons. They took me to the hospital immediately and there the doctors tried to make my heart beat again but they couldn`t make it. In the end they said:
`We can`t do anything with the father. Take him to the morgue.
In the six hours when I was dead how many I lived! First I felt my guardian angel following me on a journey which was in the beginning very difficult then it became easier because I ascended towards an inexpressible and sweet light. While I was walking many evil spirits cried and accused me. One of the accusations was the following:
`Where are you taking this one? He was a money lover. Although he promised to live in poverty he had his own money.
But the holy angel said:
`It`s not true. The money he had belonged to the monastery and he only administered it.
In the end we reached a place which looked like the border between the two worlds.
There I heard the following dialogue:
`Holy Mother of God shall I take him to heaven?`
`No, because he committed a serious sin, she said.
`What sin my Lady? My father was kind (and the angel began to defend me and I felt hot tears were flowing down from my eyes) he built a monastery, he helped many souls to find their salvation…
This is true` said the Most Holy Mother of God but he didn`t show any patience in the struggle he had and he repeatedly said to my Son:
`take me away my Lord. So take him back and let him end his struggle patiently and afterwards he will come to the Kingdom of my Son
While coming back I saw heaven and hell. Everything is written in the Books of God is true. I saw that with my own eyes. When I came back to the hospital, I entered with disgust into my frozen body Eight hours have passed until I began to move my limbs, my fingers. From the movement of my eyelids my sister noticed my resurrection from the dead. All the hospital was in commotion. I gradually recovered and since then I take heed and show patience without complaining at anything God`s love allows to happen.
My brothers we must conquer heaven `By our patient endurance we will gain our souls.`
This is what that priest said and at the last word his voice broke because of his emotion.