This morning a mother came to me with her son. She has come many times and complained that it was hard for her, that she did not love her daughter in law. And I told her:
`Your daughter in law is young and she cannot understand that she must love her mother in law as her own mother, but you are already old and you have to think about everything.
Here on Earth, in this world, it is in the human nature that a mother, after her son gets married, cannot stand her daughter in law even if this were an angel. Everything is nice apparently, nothing shows, but she has inner discontent. The daughter in law doesn’t know this mystery of life : that she must pray to God so that an angel may be sent to her mother in law and she would receive power to love her – and only then she notices this inner war of her mother in law.
`You see, every physical war starts from a thought. First the men cannot bear each other mentally then they start to destroy each other. Everything happens, it happens because of the thoughts…In a great measure this mother could not understand at all what I told her. I saw she was very hurt, very upset and I had to speak once again with her. And I told her:
`Understand this, don’t try more than this! If your daughter in law is not good, pray to God to remember you and to give her a good angel and pray to Him to take off your mental burden, everything you have against your daughter in law and not only against her but against everyone who harmed you so that God may give you power to love everybody!
If you have good peaceful thoughts full of love and kindness for everyone in a short time you will see how those around you will change. And your daughter in law will change.
You know that you beat her all the time in the most terrible way? You don’t beat her physically, but you cannot bear her in your mind and then there is no peace in the house. And not even her husband, your son has any peace because of this.
Try to love her. It is hard, yes…But you know why you don’t love your daughter in law?`
`I don’t know`, she said.
`Because she took your son. The son is not living anymore with his mother and father like when he was a child. It is in human nature that the man unites with his wife.
The mother wants to see her son gets married and is glad when he does it. But afterwards she suffers the most. Then the son turns more towards his wife and he doesn’t ask his mother anymore if she is hungry or thirsty and in this way it starts his mother’s struggle with the thoughts.
You can do this endlessly and in the end of the ends you will see that you won’t achieve anything. Try what I told you to do and you will see that in a short time everything will change.
Starets Tadeus, Starets Tadeus from Vitovniţa Monastery, Peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, Predania Publishing, Bucharest, p. 104-106.