Forgive me!

A young doctor was sitting at his desk clenching his fists hardly. He was nervous. He had begun not so long time ago his medical practice as a gynecologist obstetrician and that very day he had to provoke an abortion. However it was not that which troubled the young doctor but the procedure. He had never judged the decisions of the women and of the men who urged their lovers to make abortion but he had to do that personally on that day. Murder. With his own hands.

Becoming a specialist the doctor dream to give his help at bringing to life new babies and he had never thought at the other side of that job.

Entering the operating theater the young doctor stopped and breathed slowly…

His hands worked swiftly with the scoop and in the tray were falling rests of organic stuff and with them were falling tiny shoulders, legs, ribs, bowls…The neck of the young doctor was tight as if pressed by a metallic ring, his heart was beating fast and his forehead was covered of sweat drops. The last one that fell in the tray was the tiny head he had destroyed. A bleeding piece of flesh where you could distinguish the chee the open mouth as if in a grimace of pain  was sliding slowly on the bottom of the slightly inclined tray.

`Number one` (this is how is called the head of the fetus taken out in an abortion) has gone out, the young doctor said to the anesthesiologist.

After five minutes the doctor was in his office. He was standing at the window and looked beyond. But he didn’t see that sight. Before his eyes was sliding a bleeding piece of head with a half open eye.

`Forgive me` said the man and he started crying. `Forgive me for killing you!`

The second story

We have a pregnancy case, said the woman and taking off her gloves went to the desk. Starting to write she asked:

`Will you deliver it?`

`No`, said the young patient firmly.

The doctor raised her eyes from the desk and looked carefully at the confused girl who was fasting her belt on the jeans.

`I didn’t get that. Aren’t we planning the childbirth?` The doctor took of the mask from her face and bent her head.

`No`, repeated the patient drily.

`So you’ll have an abortion.` said the doctor. We must treat you then I’ll give you a medical referral. The way it looks nobody will make you an abortion.


`My love, you shouldn’t do this. Why doing it? Let him come to life, the young man was trying to convince the thin pale girl. Taking her on her shoulders looked her in the face. If this is the way things are let him be!`

`I don’t want that`, she said. I’ve already told you that I don’t need that child.` I don’t want anything, leave me alone. You are guilty for this situation…` `I’ve asked you to…`

`Let him be born!` insisted the young man. He is a part of me. I want him!`

`But I dont want him. I don’t love him. He will be unhappy his entire life. I don’t need this child.`

`I need him. I’ll love him. Don’t do that.`

`Aren’t you listening to me?`

The girl took off her hands from the shivering hands of the boy.

`I’m listening to you, Please think about it. There is still time for treatment.`

But there was silence instead of an answer.

The treatment would have lasted long and after the term a common abortion wouldn’t have been possible. The abortion provoked after longer months were the last choice.

The girl was lying on the bed. Confused she looked at her t-shirt that covered her round belly. She stood up irritated and pulled down her t-shirt. All of a sudden she felt a strange kick bellow her navel. After a second the kick repeated. She involuntarily put her hand on her belly and became very careful. Something tiny was pushing her palm and it slipped downwards as if it had caressed her fingers. It was a mere motion but this caused something special.

At the last ecography before birth the parents found out they were going to have a boy.

Tears were falling on the beaming smiling face. The future mother embraced her belly with both her hands.

`Forgive me, my light, she whispered. Forgive me cause I was ready to kill you.

The third story

Here is dark. But it’s warm and fine. I like it here because she is my mother. But she doesn’t know that I am here. She is the best mother in the world!

We are together all the time and I listen to her breath. But I don’t know why lately my mother is upset and I am upset too because of that. But this will pass soon, isn’t it so, mummy?`

`Today mummy is very sad. She is afraid of something. But I’ll wait till it passes and we’ll be as before. I love you very much, mummy. Do you love me too, don’t you?`

`What’s going on with you, mummy? Now you know that you have me. But why am I so scared? Why is your heart beating so fast? And my heart is beating even faster, do you hear it? I’m afraid…But you’ll defend me, won’t you?

Something is approaching…it’s breaking the wall…where will I hide? Mummy!

It seems somebody wants to break my home. Something is coming here…it’s breaking the wall! Where will I hide? Mother. Mummy. I’m so afraid, help me. You love me, don’t you? You are my mummy. Mine. We shouldn’t be separated. I’ll die without you. I can’t live without you! I need you!

Something broke my hand. Mummy please come back to your senses. Help me. Save me! Mummy! Now I lost my legs. It hurts me badly. You let them do these things ? Why ? Why ?

Don’t you need me ? You don’t. Mummy…I feel like crying, like screaming…I love you so much. Forgive me for not being your joy! Forgive me! The silent cry…is always present but unfortunately we never hear it. But it exists. Always. Always. Always

by Natalia Evsikova,


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